


Quietly

by thatoneeccedentesiast



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crying, Dancing, F/M, Festivals, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, Heartbreak, Hospitals, Kid Fic, Kissing, Male-Female Friendship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ramen, Ramen Ichiraku, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Valentine's Day, Vignettes, Weapons, White Day, and are in chronological order, that connect sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1462492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatoneeccedentesiast/pseuds/thatoneeccedentesiast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not something a ninja like Kakashi expected and it certainly was not something that happened overnight; but he thinks he's fallen in love. With the ramen girl no less. A series of vignettes depicting the blossoming relationship between Kakashi and Ayame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Kakashi

_Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give_

_-_ Katherine Hepburn, Me: Stories of My Life

~xXx~

Listlessly tramping the streets of Konoha, Kakashi doesn't expect anything at all. No one will appear before him with a smile. Nobody will open a shop or eatery door to call for him to join them. Not a soul will come running up behind him; feet pounding like a heartbeat, fingers yearning and grasping for his shoulder-reinforcing the reality of the dirt beneath his feet. His teacher is six months dead, Rin several more and Obito nearly a year. He has no team, no  _family_ ; not a single friend in all of this spiteful little village.

Fingers caressing the sharp end of a shuriken concealed in his pocket, Kakashi is reminded why he doesn't have a mission even though he is quiet possibly, one of the best jonin Konoha has at hand; he over did it. He used Obito's sharingan too much and exhausted himself. Now he was on "recovery", but with enough pushing, he'd be back on missions in a couple days-not a week like the medic advised. Shaking his head, the boy ran a hand through his hair and was just about to turn a corner when a quiet hiccup caught his attention.

It sent the hair on the back of his neck on end. It made him think of the baby he wasn't allowed to see. He bet the baby- _Naruto_ -sounded like that when he was upset...chest filled with a compassion for someone else, Kakashi spun around and approached the sniffling body.

"Hey," he whispered.

Big brown eyes looked up past a curtain of brunette locks. The young jonin felt his compassion well over; she was a bit longer of face, her eyes a fraction larger, but if he truly wanted to, Kakashi could pretend she was a small Rin.

"Shinobi," she murmured; little fist rubbing at her puffy red eyes.

Kakashi didn't know what to say. She looked to be about nine or ten, but he'd never cared to learn how to estimate the age of children (after all, even as a toddler, he'd been looking  _up_ discerning years from grown faces-not of those his stature). Finally, he settled on telling her; "I'm Kakashi, not shinobi."

"And I'm Ayame," the girl replied in kind.

Offering his hand, he pulled the skinny girl to her feet. "What are you crying for?" He felt her give a shrug and keenly eyed the way she kicked at the dirt. Noting with peaked curiosity that this wasn't an unfamiliar show-but one like his own-of embarrassment, the young jonin allowed Ayame her silence. "That's fine," he said instead. "Let's just walk for a bit."

And they do. It's a lot more pleasant than Kakashi expected. Just having someone to hang on to makes everything brighter-better. Strolling along the little used walks, the boy occasionally squeezes the girl's hand and with time, she begins to look around-at the trees, clouds, buildings, him-and like he hoped, his patience pay off.

"I was mad at my dad," she admitted.

Kakashi attempted for a sympathetic hum. "I see."

"He wants me to stop giving food to the all the lonely-eyed kids that come by Ramen Ichiraku," face troubled, her dark gaze finds his and she went on; "But, I  _can't_. They don't have anybody, how can I not feed them?"

"Steal yourself, harden your heart."

The young girl looked scandalized. "I'm sorry Kakashi, but I'm not a  _shinobi_."

He chuckled. "No, you're too soft;" he agreed. The young jonin doesn't know why, but he offered; "It's because it's too expensive, right?"

"Yeah."

Tilting his head and crinkling his visible eye at Ayame, the boy offered; "I'm making a lot on missions right now...what if I gave you enough money to cover some dishes? Would that help?"

Her eyes glinted with joy and adoration. "You are very kind Kakashi," she told him.

"I know what it's like," he replied simply.

The glimmer dimmed and she gave him a wan smile. "It's quite awful to lose an important person, isn't it?"

"I have yet to discover anything more painful," Kakashi said back.

Little Ayame reached around and hugged him. "I'm glad you asked me why I was crying," she muttered into his vest.

He standed there awkwardly in her embrace, but soon enough old instincts kick in and the young jonin patted her back. "It was the right thing to do," he whispered.

She pulled away with tears in her eyes, but Kakashi could see they were the good kind this time. "Right or not, I appreciate the gesture." Ayame stubbornly declared, little frown daring him to rebuke her.

Chuckling, the boy just took her hand again and began to take them in the direction of Ichiraku. "C'mon," he urged. "We'll have to discuss the terms of this 'fund' with your father."

After a moment, the girl was skipping at his side as they hurried off to the eatery. Eyes on the setting sun, Kakashi stopped; Ayame knocking into his shoulders. Dark stare questioning, Kakashi simply curved his lone eye and crouched. Offering his back to her to ride.

Hesitantly, she reached out. Taking the acceptance as reason to hasten along Ayame's actions; the young shinoni swung her up on his back causing her to squeal. "Let's make this fast, shall we?" He muttered. Jumping up to the roofs, he dashed along them drawing a stream of shrieks and laughter from the girl.

"It's like flying!" She shrilled in his ears as her skinny arms cut off circulation.

Giddy himself, Kakashi yelled back; "I know!"

When the pair land in front of Ramen Ichiraku, her father shook his head in exasperation at the grin on his daughter's face as she shouted "We're setting up a ramen fund for the children who lost their special people!"

Seemingly used to these grandiose decrees, the man went back to his cleaning. "Okay," he agreed.

Letting her slip down, Kakashi wasn't prepared for her to snag him by the sleeve and for Ayame to drag him to one of the stools. In the last of the day's light, her eyes half-lidded and partly hidden by her wind-mused hair; the girl's inquiry was more than welcome.

"You like eggplant in your ramen, right?"

For the first time in months, Kakashi felt like he had an important person once again.


	2. Chapter 2: Ayame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the bookmark Roadkill2580!

_Warm familiar scents drift softly from the oven,_

_And imprint forever upon our hearts_

_That this is home_

_and that we are loved._

-Arlene Stafford-William, Lanark County Calender

~xXx~

Ayame had been sent out to buy noodles this morning. And chicken for broth. Fish too. A multitude of vegetables had been added to her list last minute as well. Juggling two bags on one arm, a package of fish against her chest and a package of leeks as she studied her list, Ayame didn't expect a pair of hands to dive in lifting her leeks away.

"Hey!" She yelped; spinning around. She blinked. "Kakashi!" She smiled now, it'd been a few weeks since she last saw the teenager.

His eye curved. "I noticed you needed some help," he explained.

Chewing on a strand of hair, she ducked her head. "I could use a little.." she agreed.

"What else do you need to get?"

Squinting at her list, Ayame hummed. "Ummm..." head snapping up, she pointed to the chicken vendor. "Chicken, eggs too."

It went on that way for a while, together the pair went from stand to stand; ducking into a store few times before the girl confirmed they'd gotten everything. Taking the path back to her dad's eatery, she lifted her gaze to Kakashi's face.

"I haven't seen you in a few weeks!"

Kakashi nodded. "I've been away on a mission."

"Oh," the girl didn't actually know very much about missions and how ninjas worked; just that a lot of them  _really_ like ramen. "Was it a successful mission?"

The teenager's lone eye rested on her for a moment. "There were no unnecessary casualties," he replied.

Ayame thought that mean it was good. If there were no unnecessary casualties, it meant things hadn't gone badly; right? Or at least she hoped so. "So, what were you doing at the market?"

The ninja shrugged. "Same as you, I needed food."

"Do you go on a lot of missions Kakashi?" The brunette implored.

He bobbed his chin, "As many as I can."

"Why?" It sounded dangerous, testing fate so often.

He was silent for a moment and the girl figured it either meant he was preparing to lie or he'd gotten distracted. "I like serving my village;" he told a couple minutes later.

"Oh?  _Oh_ right. I guess that's a pretty good reason..." She couldn't understand why he'd be a ninja otherwise. Her cheeks heating a little, she wished that he'd take fewer missions; maybe he'd eat at her family's Ramen place more then. (She'd like to see him some more, he seemed really cool).

The teenager cleared his throat. "I was going to stop by this afternoon," he explained. "I had another donation for the 'ramen fund'."

Ayame stopped and hurriedly put down her groceries. How kind of him to remember! No prompting at all! Coming around, she threw her arms around him and hugged the lanky body quickly. "Thank you!" She exclaimed. "We appreciate it so, so much!" Taking herself back, she gazed up earnestly. "What can I do to repay you for your generosity?"

Kakashi glanced away. "Really, you don't need to..."

"I insist!"

There was a sigh and the ninja scratched at the nape of his neck. "Mah, could you teach me how to cook ramen? I seem to burn everything-even water..."

The girl grinned fully. She could do that! Dad had been teaching her how to cook since she was  _very_ small. Ramen was easy now. "I can teach you!" She declared. "Hurry up, if we get back before lunchtime; I can teach you right away. Otherwise, you're going to have to come back between lunch and supper."

Picking up his pace for her, the teenager nodded. "Okay."

Another five minutes and they were at her father's eatery. Leading the ninja in, she called over her shoulder, as she dropped the stuff on the counter, "Hi dad."

Flipping a page of his paper, he grunted back; "Ayame. I see you brought a visitor."

Taking down her apron and tying it around her waist, she nodded. "I'm teaching Kakashi how to cook ramen."

"That's very kind of you," the man answered back.

Passing her dad's extra apron off to Kakashi, the girl nodded. "I know." Turning to the pots and pans, she implored of Kakashi "Can you get out the noodles? And take them out of their package while I bring the water to a boil?"

An amused, if quiet lilt comes to his tone. "Shouldn't I be doing all of that? I thought you were teaching me how to cook here..."

Ayame stared at him through her brown fringe. "Do you...are you teasing me? You  _must_ know how to boil water!"

His eye curved. "Only a little," he admitted.

Giggling, the girl smiled blithely back. "Good one." From there, she explains how best to do things and what goes best with what; Kakashi listens intensely, absorbing her every word. Even asking a question or two she has to defer to her father for. but by the end; they have more than enough ramen for the two them.

Quiet proud, she smiled up at Kakashi as she swallowed the pinch of noodles she's just put in her mouth. "What do you think?" She implored. "Was it fun?"

Mask down, Kakashi's smile reveals a fine line of white. "It was...soothing."

Ayame leaned in on her hands. "Isn't it? It's like magic."

"Or target practice."

Stirring a chopstick in the leftover broth, the brunette sends the ninja a look from the side of her eye. "I don't think I've ever done target practice."

The teenager set aside his dishes now that he had finished and wiped his mouth before pulling his mask back up. "Maybe I could teach  _you_ how to throw shuriken sometime?" His eye went to her father. "If that's okay with her dad."

Smiling as he got to work putting on his own apron, dad nodded. "I trust you'd keep by daughter safe Hatake."

Excited to spend more time with the boy, Ayame clapped her hands in excitement. "Could we start tomorrow?"

"Y-I have a mission," he sighed.

Downtrodden, the girl was quick to fix the issue. "It's not a long mission right? When you come back then? I don't know that I'll be as fast at learning as you are, so don't take another mission too quickly; okay?"

Kakashi chuckled. "I guess I shouldn't if I want to teach you well, huh?" He reached out and ruffled her hair. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you have a better aim than half the shinobi of Konoha by the time I'm done with you."

The air pleasantly warm and the stove's pot still wafting the good scents of Ramen, the girl mused on Kakashi. He was very kind, more so than any other boy his age. And to offer one-on-one training...blushing pink, Ayame can't wait.

 


	3. Chapter 3: Kakashi

_The things hardest to bear_

_are the sweetest to remember_

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

~xXx~

The air is cooling, gaining the nip he's always known it to have in what passes for winter in the Country of Fire. Taking the now familiar path to Ichiraku's, Kakashi reflected on the weeks it's been since he last visited the eatery. It had been after the mission following Ayame teaching him how to cook Ramen. The girl had been disappointed, he recalled. She had been looking forward to Kakashi teaching her how to throw shuriken; but he hadn't been able to at the time because he'd sprained one wrist and broken the other in an unfortunately high tumble on the mission the jonin had told her about previously.

After that, Kakashi had promised the next time...and a month and half later,  _next time_ had arrived. Walking up to the little Ramen place, the jonin's eye crinkled at what he saw; Ayame making faces at herself in a bucket of what he was betting to be water. Stopping in front of the counter, he chuckled at how the girl had brought her long hair around to make a mustache beneath her nose.

"Bored?" he offered.

The girl's mouth dropped open and if Kakashi hadn't been a ninja, he wouldn't have expected what ten-year-old did next.

"KAKASHI!" She shrieked, jumping over the counter to hug him; the bucket of suds toppling in her wake.

Gripping her securely to him, the jonin spun her around. "I think that's the most enthusiastic greeting I've gotten all week," he told her.

Brown eyes glittering, she laughed. "I thought you weren't ever coming back!" And something ghosted over her gaze, telling Kakashi this wasn't just a wanton hyperbole.

"Sorry," he murmured as he squeezed her tightly for a moment. "It's...hard to say no to missions when they expect you to take every one they offer."

Picking the bucket up from the now muddy ground, Ayame scrambled back over the counter hiding it away. "You'll have to start practicing then!" She declared. "It's getting cold now and people don't come by for ramen so much." Frowning, she leaned in close and explained to him; "I'm bored, but don't tell dad or he'll find things for me to  _clean_."

Kakashi fought the smile wanting to erupt and agreed with utmost seriousness. "I see," he told her.

Her brown fringe dipped into her eyes as she giggled and scrambled back over to his side of the eatery. "So, Kakashi, are you finally going to teach me how to throw shuriken?"

"I am," he affirmed. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he offered the crook of his arm for her to slip her hand in. "Ready to go?"

Looping her arm with his, Ayame turned her head back to the Ichiraku's. "I'm going out with Kakashi dad!"

A muffled, "Have fun!" Echoed from somewhere behind the front of the eatery.

"Let's go!" the brunette declared, tugging at them.

The jonin let her for a few moments, then he chided her. "Who knows where the training ground is, hm?"

"Oops," she muttered; face flushing.

"It's alright," he said. "You're excited, I get that."

The bashful grin she offered in response was more than a sincere enough apology.

* * *

"Try bending your elbow a little more!" Kakashi directed as Ayame tossed another throwing star at the lazily painted bull's-eye.

Ayame's entire body drooped instead. "This is  _hard_!" She whined.

"Come on, one more time!" The jonin urged as he fell behind her. "After this one, we can go back to the village."

The girl bit her lip. "Okay..." she sighed. Falling back into position, she bent her elbow a hair more like Kakashi had wanted and-

"Good job!"

"I did it! I did it!" The brunette shrilled. "It's in the area around the bull's-eye!"

Putting a proud hand on her shoulder, Kakashi let his eye crinkle with satisfaction. "Just think, in a few more weeks you'll be hitting the bull's eye every time!"

"Maybe even sooner with your help!"

The jonin felt his heart sink. He wouldn't be able to help her for a long while after tomorrow..."Ayame," he began softly.

Dark eyes found his. "Yeah Kakashi?"

"I have a mission after tomorrow."

One of the dulled shuriken he had lent her fell from her fingers. "No!" she protested. "You just got home!"

"It's the life of a shinobi," he sighed.

A few tears raced down Ayame's cheeks. "When will you stop leaving all the time?" Kakashi could only shrug. The answer that echoed in his mind too cruel to tell the girl. Coming to his side, she hugged him. "I'll miss you."

Kakashi returned it. "Just because I'm gone doesn't mean I'm not think about you," he reminded her softly. "Why else would I keep showing up like I do?"

The girl scrubbed away the tear-tracks. "It's very kind of you to," she warbled. "I like seeing you Kakashi, you're fun." Ayame told him earnestly.

Noting that she still looked so very dejected at the idea of him leaving for another mission, the gray-haired teen reached into his back pocket and pulled out one of  _his_ shuriken-not just one of the dull ones he used for practice-"Here," he said. "This is one of my 'specially made shuriken;" pointing at the faint detailing for the symbol meaning scarecrow, the jonin imparted; "This one is a favorite of mine."

Ayame sniffed. "Why are you giving it to me then?"

"I'll have to come back then, won't I? If I ever want to see that you're taking good care of my shuriken, that is."

She smiled a little. "So it's a promise? You'll come home to Konoha?"

Folding her fingers over the weapon, Kakashi made sure his lone eye caught her pair. "To you," he corrected. "You're my friend and I'm going to make sure I come home to  _you_."

Ayame reached around her neck then. "You need something from me then," she declared; glaring when the jonin made a noise to start a protest. She brought out a silver chain. "I don't know if it's good thing to wear this, but this was my mom's."

Taking it in his hand, Kakashi soaked up its simple elegance. "Thank you," he murmured.

"Now we both have something to remember each other by," the brunette whispered.

Kakashi accepted her as she leaned against his side. Putting an arm around her, the the gray-haired teen's gaze stayed on the target in the distance. "Remember to practice."

"And you need to remember to say no," Ayame replied.

He snorted. "Right."

The ten-year-old furrowed her eyes at him, like she was upset, before taking his hand and guiding them back to Konoha. As he trotted just behind Ayame, his eyes went to the glinting silver resting in his palm. It was her mother's. Yet...she'd given it to him, both burdened and lightened by the bit of metal; Kakashi knew he'd have to find somewhere extra special on him to keep it.

He had to keep this fragile bond of friendship safe.


	4. Chapter 4: Ayame

_Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace._

_Enjoy each moment of each date, the courtship, the friendship, and the natural progression to commitment._

_If it is meant to be, it will happen._

-Pamela Cummins

~xXx~

Walking home from her friend's house, Ayame stopped in front of Yamanaka Flowers. Taking in the display through the front window, her stare lingered on the one the arrangement that held the most yellow and orange flowers. Those were her favorite bouquets; the combination of yellow and orange seemingly the most friendly of the colors. Finger reaching out, the brunette traces the shape of the piece. Smiling, she wishfully thinks of the day when she'll have a boyfriend who buys her bouquets like the one in front of her.

As she gazed in, the shifting shapes of people caught her dark gaze. Pursing her lips, Ayame's mind was stirred by a familiar figure. He wasn't the tallest, but his hair made up for it...his hair. Hair like that only belonged to-

Moving lighting quick, the girl came into the shop the cry already leaving her lips; "-kashi!"

The group of boys turned and the brunette shrunk back, blushing under the curious gazes. Kakashi's eye curved and he took a step toward her. "Ayame, I was going to stop by Ichiraku's around dinner..."

Unconsciously bring the tip of her hair to her mouth, she nodded. "I just saw you through the window.."

"Maybe she can help you pick out a bouquet, you boys sure don't have a clue as what to get for a girl you're taking on a date." The woman from behind the counter grumbled as she patted the back of a baby resting against her shoulder.

"But that's your job!" One of the boys, the Hokage's son, complained.

The fair-haired woman snorted and said; "I'll be in the back putting my kid down for a nap, call when you're ready to buy something." And with that, the woman walked away; her baby with it's saliva covered chin staring at them all the while.

Once gone, one of the boys shoved a hand at her face.

"Maito Gai!" He declared, teeth glinting brightly in the shop's light.

Squinting, Ayame took it. "Hi," she mumbled; moving her stare to the other two.

Understanding her silent look, the Hokage's son bobbed his head in greeting. "Asuma,"

"And I'm Genma." The last one finished.

Feeling a little obligated now that she had been put up to the job, Ayame inquired "Who are you buying flowers for?"

"A girl," Asuma answered blushing.

Kakashi scoffed. "No duh, Asuma;" offering his arm like he always did, the brunette latched on as the jonin continued by telling her "It's for Yuhi Kurenai, do you know her?"

"She has red eyes?"

"Yeah."

Watching them, Asuma questioned Kakashi; "So mister genius, when did you have time to make friends with Teuchi's kid?"

"I just did." Kakashi snapped.

Ayame shrank back against the gray-haired youth; not quite sure of her welcome among the ninja. Kakashi took his arm away, but before she was eaten by her fear that he was embarrassed to be seen with a child like her, the gray-haired boy put his hand shoulder and guided her toward the display he and the other teenagers had been inspecting. Relieved that he still wanted to be near her, she smiled up at him.

"Why is the Hokage's son buying flowers for Kurenai?"

"He asked her out on a date as a 'joke' and surprise, surprise she agreed." Kakashi replied, scoffing at the end.

Face beet-red, Asuma protested the other ninja's words. "How was I supposed to know she'd agree?!"

"Try that you've been asking her since you were twelve," Genma contributed; "She was bound to take you seriously eventually."

The Hokage's son didn't look any happier, but Gai slapped his back and shouted; "Do not worry friend! We will help you pick a most beautiful bouquet! She will talk about your youth and vigor for ages to come after tonight!"

"...maybe you should cut back on the 'youth and vigor' comments Gai, they aren't funny anymore." Genma muttered from where he leaned bored against the counter.

Ayame didn't understand and was hopelessly uncomfortable among the four, but she held her tongue and scanned the flowers desperately. She had been volunteered to help. And help she would.

"I am not trying to be funny my friend!" Gai told them all.

Kakashi squeezed her shoulder and leaned in so his warm breath actually touched her through his mask. "And that's why he's funny," he whispered.

The girl chuckled and pointed to a bouquet of white and red. "It might be a little much, but the colors in that arrangement are pretty;" she imparted to the teenage boys.

Asuma stepped forward and squinted. "Poppies are an interesting choice, but I agree they look nice with the chrysanthemums."

"If you told Kurenai that the poppies remind you of her eyes she might get a kick out of it," Genma offered with smirk. "Or she'll call you cheesy and laugh."

Picking the bouquet, the dark-haired boy nodded. "No, these are good. Either way, I think she'll like them." His lips flicked in a smile and he remarked; "If things go well, I'll have to invite you on a double date with us, Ayame-when you're older anyway-as thanks."

Chewing on her hair again, the brunette nodded. "That'd be nice," she agreed. Her young mind already conjuring a fanciful date in her mind. A tall, handsome man to hold hands with, eating at the one restaurant that dad told her he'd taken mom to when he proposed; and most of all, she imagine the love she'd feel as they laughed together.

"Thanks kid, really."

"I just picked my favorite," Ayame deflected.

Kakashi's eye closed in a smile. "It was a good choice."

The girl flushed under the praise. It was nice to get it from someone like Kakashi, he didn't seem the type to give it freely to anyone (deserving or otherwise).

"Hey kid," Genma broke in. "Would it be cool if we came back with you to Ichiraku's? We're kinda hungry and, well, we might as well walk with you if we're going the same way."

She lifted her gaze to meet Kakashi's, he shrugged. With a flash of a grin, she agreed. "Sure! Dad'll make something extra special if you come back with me!"

The teenagers exchange smiles and discrete hands gestures (fists bumps, it looks like), yet Ayame doesn't mind. It means Kakashi will walk with her and she'll get to know the type of people he hangs out with besides her. If she's very lucky, the brunette hoped that she'd see a new, just as enticing side of Kakashi. A side she might see more of if she continued to be his friend.


	5. Chapter V: Kakashi

_It changes you for ever, but you are changing for ever anyway_  
-Margaret Mahy, The Changeover

~xXx~

Laid up in a hospital bed with several broken ribs, a mild concussion and an infected wound on his leg; Kakashi believed he'd spend an uneventful week in the hospital being healed bit by bit as he rebuilt his exhausted chakra reserves. Staring blankly at the wall between lunch and his afternoon check-up, the teenager wondered if he was losing more brain cells from boredom or from the concussion. Sighing, he let his head loll to the side and rolled his lone eye ceiling-ward; childishly pretending himself dead.

"Erm..."

Snapping to attention, Kakashi blinked at who he saw. "Ayame," he murmured.

The young teen crossed her arms over her chest, awkwardly rubbing at her arms. "I wanted to see how you were doing," she told him.

"Who told you I was here?" He demanded as his eyes flitted up and down her form. She'd had a bit of growth-spurt since he last saw her, from the way she stood, he didn't think she was very comfortable with the new height and other additions either.

"I saw your friend, the one with the bowl-cut, Gai? Yeah, Gai. He came by with some of other ninja and when I asked if you were on a mission, he said you'd been home almost a week-in the hospital, though." She smiled a little then, "I just came by and asked a nurse for your room...it wasn't hard to find you after that."

Kakashi didn't know how to feel. It was both nice to know Ayame wished to see him and irksome to think Gai felt it was alright to tell her where he had landed himself after another hardcore mission. Clearing his throat, he waved for the twelve-year-old to grab a chair. "Come sit, I guess."

She perked up, nearly skipping as she went to the corner to bring a chair over to his bedside. Settling down, she peaked around her bangs and thanked him; "Thank you for not turning me away Kakashi, I worried you'd be upset about me visiting you."

"I am," Kakashi admitted. The girl pulled back like she was scalded, but the teenager reached out for her hand. "But I'm also pleased to have you," he whispered.

Her cheeks burned a bright red as she stared down silently at their hands. Kakashi wondered when she'd become embarrassed by the physical part of their friendship. He remembered just a few months ago she was leaning into him when he took her beneath his arm. Then again, a few months ago she hadn't been this tall; hadn't had buds beneath her shirt or hairless legs. A few months ago, (seven and two days to be precise) Ayame had still felt like a child to him.

Now...well, she wasn't a grownup either.

"Oh" she murmured having calmed down. "Will you be out soon?"

"Just in time for my next mission, I bet."

The brunette's face darkened. "You're always on missions, where did that promise to learn 'no' go?"

"They  _are_ fewer..." the teenager ran a hand through his hair. "They've just changed in kind. Instead of quick, precise missions to kill and destroy; I'm being handed missions where I'm to gather intelligence, where I have to guide people safely from place to place; protect sights as work is being done by civilian population..."

Ayame squeezed Kakashi's hand. "But you still come home hurt," she whispered. "Why do you always come home hurt, Kakashi?"

The teenager felt at a loss. How does he explain that being hurt doesn't bother him? That the mission matters more than his well being? That he is a  _tool_ not-not a  _person_ not like  _her_. Swallowing, the jonin mumbled hoarsely "It's part of the risk."

Her nails (painted pink and orange, when had she gotten into those silly girl things?) dug sharply into his flesh. "No! It's not!" She insisted molten. " _Gai_ doesn't come home injured every time, _Kurenai_ is always unblemished with each and every visit she makes to Ichiraku's, the same goes for so, so  _many_ ninja I see!" Glaring uncomprehending and with a bit of pleading she begged; "Why Kakashi, why are you always getting hurt?"

He doesn't matter.

"I don't matter, I'm a tool for the village's use and disposal. Every injury, setback, and trauma is for the preservation of Konoha-our  _home-_ if I die on the field someday, I will die never regretting what I have done to protect what I call mine."

The young teenager stood up. "You matter to  _me_ " she declared. "Do I matter to  _you_?"

"Of co-"

"If I  _do_ ," she said loudly over him; "If I do..." Ayame trembled as she withdrew from Kakashi. "Then you will stop coming home hurt every time. My heart can't take it like yours."

"Ayame..."

She shook her head. "No," she hissed. "No don't try and say anything else. Either you care enough to preserve yourself  _and_ our village or you don't." She stared straight at him, tears spilling out of dark eyes. "I love you Kakashi, but I can't stand by and watch you not love  _yourself_ much longer. It's too hard."

The younger teenager left then. Leaving Kakashi to wonder if he was going to lose yet another important person. Laying there in the stark room, he realized, this would be the first time he lost someone who was  _alive._ Before, people had always been cruelly snatched from him by death, but now...he'd lose one because of himself as a person. Part of him felt indignant that she could love him but not accept all of him, but another wished for him to change. If all he had to do was be more careful on missions, what harm would it cause him? None. If anything, it would improve himself.

It would also mean Ayame would still being an important person to him.

As lunch rolled in, Kakashi came to his conclusion. He would be more careful. If that's all he needed to change to keep her in his life, he'd do it. He'd do it because he might love her too.


	6. Chapter 6: Ayame

_The future for me is already a thing of the past -_  
You were my first love and you will be my last  


-Bob Dylan, Bob Dylan - Love and Theft: Piano/Vocal/Guitar

~xXx~

Ayame fought down the urge to chew on her hair as Waku took her elbow.

"C'mon Ayame, we can have some fun! You and me, we can bring along Cho, Iori and Chion if you want!"

The idea of going to the festivil with Waku  _does_ sound a lot better than going with just Cho...but, she's heard things about Waku. Like he's always stringing girls along until he got bored with them. She glanced to Cho, she was giggling at something Iori and his twin Chion were fighting about. She didn't really want to hang out with them if they were going to fight...

"So Ayame?" The tan, farmer's boy, urged.

"S-" A dango stick hits the spot between their feet.

Waku jumps back. "Shit!" He yelps.

The thirteen year old looked up to see-"Kakashi!" She yelled pleasantly surprised. It'd been a very long time since she last saw him. Almost six months...not since-she scrutinized him. He looked _good._ He wasn't so wan, he walked straight and easily; his eye wasn't feverish or glinting with pain from sore muscles and stress fractures.

A girl, probably a year or two older than her is with the jonin. Her gaze was nonplussed as she stared at Waku. Putting a hand on her hip, she told him; "Scram kid, she's off limits."

Pale beneath his tan, Waku scrambled away; his friends on his heels leaving Ayame and Cho behind.

"Why'd you do that?" Cho whined, "They were  _cute_."

The teenager scoffed. "And they know it." Leaning in, she wagged her finger at both of them. "Trust me kids, stay away from the pretty boys for a few more years; they think and know they can get ever they want when their hot like that."

Ayame blinked as Cho huffed beside her. "Whatever," the pig-tail wearing girl grumbled. " _I_ wanted to hang out with them!" Looking to the brunette she implored; "Are you coming with?"

She waved her friend off. "Actually, I haven't see Kakashi in a while. If it's cool with you, I'd like to talk to him for a bit."

Her gray eyes went to the tall teenager beside the girl Ayame didn't know; Cho smiled. "Oh  _I_ see," winking, she called over her shoulder; "Have fun!"

The trio watch the pink-dressed girl bound off into the throngs of the festival. The teenager who scared away Waku shook her head. "Thirteen year olds, am I right jerk?"

Kakashi didn't say anything and Ayame felt it was as a good a time as any to introduce herself. Putting out a hand she said, "Ayame, daughter of Ramen Ichiraku's owner!"

The dark-haired teenager took her hand with a smirk. "Anko!" After they finished shaking hands, Anko implored; "So how do you know this jerk here?" Thumb jutting back at the impassive jonin.

Blushing, the brunette murmured; "...he's a benefactor to the Ramen Fund at Ichiraku's and my friend..."

She sends Kakashi an appraising look. "I didn't take you for the generous type."

"Only for Ichiraku's Ramen Fund," he replied. His lone eye crinkles as he questioned; "How have you been Ayame?"

"Good!" She answered, "You're looking well too!" And she really is happy to see this, it's a relief to know that they can still be friends.

"I left the Anbu," he explained.

It sent a shiver down the girl. She hadn't realized he was apart of  _those_ shinobi. The ones that lurked and hid and died. It was just a fact learned from passing ninja, but from what Ayame understood; almost no one left the anbu alive. Trying to brighten up, she nodded. "That's good!" She exclaimed.

"It is," and his voice was very empathetic in reply.

Looking between the two ninja, she inquired; "Are you two, like, together?"

Anko laughed and Kakashi shook his head. "We're just hanging out, kid!" The dark-haired shinobi grinned. "But it must look that way, huh?"

For her part, the brunette is relieved. She wasn't sure how she'd feel if they  _were_ together. She wouldn't have been very happy, she's sure. "A little," she admitted. "Before you guys showed up, Cho and I were going to go try our luck at catching goldfish," she told and offered to the pair.

Kakashi's friend glanced to him. "Up for a challenge, jerk?"

Unfolding his arms, he scoffed. "You can't beat me."

"Just watch!"

The two nearly ran to the stand and Ayame had to jog just to keep up.

"Wait!"

* * *

By the time the moon is tall and the festival is winding down, both Ayame and Kakashi have fish. One gifted to her by Kakashi and the other foisted on Kakashi by Anko ("I'll be checking up on that fish jerk, so you better not flush it down the toilet!"). The trio had also bought masks and eaten their fill on the fare that they found. As they come down a street, Anko separated.

"This is my street! See you later jerk, Ayame!"

She waved back. "Bye Anko! It was nice to meet you!"

A short distance later, Kakashi inquired; "Was it really nice to meet her?"

"It was interesting."

The jonin snorted. "That's a kind way of putting it."

"You really would make a cute couple, though, you know? She's so extroverted and you're..."

"Anti-social?"

"Thoughtful," Ayame quickly corrected. "You're thoughtful and gentle and kind. A very good balance to Anko's exuberance, roughness and sharp-tongue."

He was silent for a little while. "You'd think you were trying to push us together...do you  _want_ us to hook up?"

The brunette really didn't, but the seemed like they were right for each other..."No," she sighed. "But you  _would_ be a good pair. Admit it."

"I hate her."

She gasped at the bluntness. "Kakashi!"

"It's true," he insisted. "I don't  _want_ someone who's loud, rough and bitchy. I want-" he stopped.

"Who do you want, 'kashi?"

He took her hand. "Someday, someday I'd like to have someone who's sweet, caring and quick to smile-like  _you_."

She blushed magenta she was so delighted and shocked. "I'm thirteen!"

The teenager's hold on her hand didn't lessen. "I know," he agreed. "You're too young for me." Eye curving, he remarked; "But that doesn't mean I don't want someone like you. Your personality's very pleasing and attractive."

"That's my dad's place," she giggled, pointing to the closed up eatery as it came in view.

Kakashi squeezed her hand before letting it go. "I'll see you tomorrow? I'd like to catch up."

"After the lunch rush," Ayame agreed with a smile.

"Bye."

"See you!" And with one last backward glance, the girl runs to her home. Shutting the door behind her, she slid to the floor; "Oh wow..." She'll never want another boy again.

What mattered now, was hoping Kakashi doesn't find someone else he loved more.


	7. Chapter 7: Kakashi

_The sexiest thing about men is how they are with kids_

-Pamela Anderson

~xXx~

It's a comfortable thing coming to Ichiraku's these days. The man behind the counter was almost as familiar as his sensei had been, he knew the right way to greet, talk and not talk to Kakashi. As he walked up to the place, Kakashi noticed a curious little blond staring wide-eyed at the eatery. The kid couldn't be more than three or four (four more likely, if he was who the jonin thought he was). What worried him was the fact that he was there all alone. Shouldn't he be at an orphanage? Or at least with an adult?

Seeing him stick a hand in his mouth, the teenager heard the little boy's stomach rumble. Obviously someone was  _not_ taking care of him. Or at least they weren't doing a very good job of it. The jonin knew he should turn away, he'd been ordered to keep contact to a minimal. The blond was not his problem unless he was assigned to him ;but...Kakashi wanted to ask him so many things. Where he stayed. Who took care of him. If anyone cared that he was alone right now. If he had friends. If he was happy.

With bare feet, a dirty face and rumbling stomach; the jonin didn't think he could be.

Ripping his gaze away from the boy, Kakashi noticed how Ayame's father kept awkwardly glancing at the boy and then the street around them. Like he was looking for the woman or man the blond should belong to. There wasn't one, of course. In his searching, Teuchi spotted Kakashi. He grinned nervously;

"Kakashi!" He called.

The teenager approached in silence, taking a seat he sighed; "How are you today sir?"

"We've known each other long enough, call me Teuchi kid." And they were on comfortable ground. They talk about inane things for a few minutes, in those minutes, the tiny boy doesn't move.

Clearing his throat, Kakashi questioned; "How long has he been standing there?"

"Twenty minutes?" But he seems to be hedging, Kakashi was willing to be it had been closer to thirty.

Sighing, the jonin swerved around and crinkled his lone eye at the kid. "Are you hungry?" He demanded. Blue eyes widen, mouth dropping open in dumb silence. Reaching down, the teenager tapped the little mouth close with a knuckle. "Well?" Kakashi insisted.

A shy nod was his answer.

"That won't do," Kakashi declared; grabbing the blond under his arms, he swung him up on to the stool next to him. Turning to Ayame's father, he said; "Two bowls of ramen please."

"Are you sure kid?"

The teenager rested his chin on his fist. "Please Teuchi sir, I  _can't_ just sit by and-"

"Looks a lot like that other blond you used to come here with," The man remarked a sad sort of look on his face. He looked away then, preparing the dishes Kakashi asked for.

Once done, he put one in front of the boy and Kakashi. The little blond didn't seem to know what to do, so Kakashi, with exaggerated gestures, instructed the boy how to eat his Ramen.

"Yum!" Kakashi half-praised as he made great show of eating some of the Ramen.

Immediately, the boy copied him. The first grin he'd ever seen on the boy split across his face like a ray of sun. "Yummy!" He parroted.

The teenager and the man chuckle a little as exuberance overtakes the boy. Plopping down some money, Kakashi got up. "Is Ayame in back?" He inquired.

"I'm right here.." A soft voice called from the back of the little room.

The jonin's gaze snapped to her.

"How long have you been there?" He asked.

She smiled. "Not too long," she replied.

Kakashi looked pleadingly to Teuchi. "He's on my tab from now on-or at least until he can pay for things himself."

"Sure kid," he agreed as he took away the teenager's bowl.

"Ready to go Ayame?"

The girl nodded. "Let me grab my-"

"Going?" The blond whispered softly.

Kakashi crouched so he was eye level with the blond sitting on the stool. "Sorry kiddo, but I have plans..."

He pouted.

"Tell you what, next time you come by; Teuchi will have a present from me to go with your ramen. Your Birthday was about a week ago, right?"

A sunny smile breaks out once more. "Bye shinobi! Thank you!"

Curving his eye, Kakashi felt Ayame take his hand as he waved goodbye. "Have a good day kid!"

With one last wave, the child went back to his lunch as Teuchi began puttering with some pots and pans.

Ayame tugged at him a little more. "You promised me a stroll in the park after you got back from the last mission you were on! I don't care if it's fall now!"

"Alright, alright!" The jonin sighed as he was dragged off.

* * *

Under the sun's peaking light, Ayame looked up at Kakashi with a strange smile.

"You were very good with him."

The teenager sighed. "I failed a genin team the other day, you know."

She laughed. "Oh don't try and cover it up! You could be an excellent teacher...father too."

"I don't want to be either."

Her dark eyes twinkling, Ayame rested her head on Kakashi's arm. "Of course you don't!" She giggled.

At a loss, Kakashi insisted. "Really, I don't."

"Whatever you say 'kashi!"

Somehow, the ninja felt he was only proving the girl's point.

 


	8. Chapter 8: Ayame

_You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself  
_ -Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

~xXx~

Checking her braid one last time in the hall bathroom, the teenager smiled at herself. Still perfect. Ducking out, she headed for the door. "Dad! I'm leaving!" Ayame shouted to her father as she pulled on her shoes. "I'll be back by eleven, okay?"

There was the quiet sound of people as her father propped himself in the space between the eatery and their home. "Have a nice date!"

She blushed and tossed a shoe in his direction. "How many times do I have to tell you! Waku just asked if I wanted to use his voucher with him!"

"Right," her father chuckled.

Puffing out her cheeks, Ayame stepped out her home muttering "Stupid dad."

"What?"

She shrieked.

Boyish laughter filled her ears and whipping around the teenager found it was her "date". "Waku!" She complained.

His tanned face crinkled a little more. "Oh come on Ayame, you can't tell me that wasn't funny! I  _told_ you I'd meet you here!"

"I thought you meant up front..." she muttered embarrassed.

Swinging an arm around her shoulders, he shook his head. "Naw," he replied; "Then your dad'd be watching us go." He looked at her then. "Not that your dad isn't cool or anything, I just felt it would be kind of weird..."

"No, I get it," she agreed as she allowed herself to be lead away. "I'm actually kind of glad." Flicking her lips in a smile, she continued; "...actually I don't think I would have minded so much if you'd been waiting across the street or something!"

The farmer boy nodded. "I see what you mean," looking a little bashful himself, he retrieved his arm only to grab her hand instead. "I guess I didn't need to wait  _right next_ to your door."

"It's cool," she giggled; "So, this restaurant..."

"You'll see! It's really awesome," perking up at the mention. "Afterwards I thought we could take a walk through the park?"

She nodded agreeably. "That be fine, I did tell my dad I wouldn't be back until eleven."

Waku's smile went even wider. "What would he think if I brought you home even later?"

"Oh, I don't think he'd mind;" Ayame finally answered. She didn't know what the older teenager had in mind, but it could be fun. And her dad really wouldn't care.

* * *

Seated at their corner table, she twirled the straw of her empty glass as music boomed from the speakers by the dance floor. Glancing at the faces of those in the crowded restaurant, she hoped to spy Waku's soon. This was getting boring; he promised to be back with another round of drinks  _five minutes ago._ Frowning, she wondered if one of the more... _developed_ women hadn't caught his eye. Miserably chewing on her straw, she wouldn't put it past him to forget her in favor of one of them.

Stretching out her feet, she doesn't see the man coming toward her until he nearly tripped on her ankles.

"Sorry!" She yelped.

The head turned and in the green light she realized it wasn't just anyone. It was Kakashi! Dressed down and more fitting for the establishment, she had to laugh when she realized he still had the mask.

His eye crinkled. "Ayame," he greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here with a guy," the teenager admitted. "But he seems to have gotten lost between the bar and our table.."

Leaning back, the older nineteen-year-old chuckled. "That's unfortunate."

"Totally..."

"Ayame!" Waku shouted coming back toward her.

He had the intelligence to look abashed. "Sorry 'bout that, I saw an old friend..."

She waved away the excuse. "Our we going to dance or what?"

"Yeah!" The older teenager agreed eagerly hurrying to her side.

Smiling at Kakashi, she said. "Hey ninja-man, if your still around tomorrow you should come by Ichiraku's! We could hang out for a bit."

"Sure," he agreed with his one eye on the arm that the farmer boy had put around her waist.

"See ya!"

A half-hearted hand lifted in echo; "..bye."

Ayame didn't have time to ponder it as Waku took her to the floor. The first couple songs were really good, they danced; occasionally bumping others. By the third song, they were so close that Ayame could see the sweat glistening on Waku's nose. Briefly, she wondered when he got so close when-

His mouth collided with hers.

"Mph!" She gasped, lips opening in surprise.

Suddenly there was  _tongue_ and oh w-

"Hey!" The boy yelled and Ayame opened her eyes to see Kakashi holding the tanner teenager by the back of his shirt.

She put a hand to her mouth.  _Oh no_! How utterly embarrassing! "Let him go Kakashi!" She snapped.

"You didn't expect that." He growled.

She put her hands on her hips and tried to ignore all the stares they were getting. " _No one_ really expects their first kiss you jerk!" Grabbing Waku's hand, she pulled him next to her and faced the taller. "C'mon Kakashi, I'm  _fifteen,_ I can take care of myself!"

"He's the one Anko warned you to stay away from."

She blushed. She remembered that. "She said it was because he wasn't mature enough! He's a lot more mature now!"

A raised eyebrow met her rebuke. "Really?" He scoffed.

"Yes!" She snarled, "Besides, this is a  _date_! I didn't expect him to kiss me right there, yeah, but it doesn't mean I wasn't okay with it!" Turning away, she yelled over her shoulder. "You can stop worrying about me," and she boldly crashed her lips against Waku's. Swerving her head back, she smirked. "See? I  _wanted_ to kiss him-last time too." _  
_

The poor guy looked a little lost and a very unhappy, but with short glare at Waku; he stalked off. Going back to dancing, the farmer boy gave her an appraising once over. "You sure are brave, standing up to a ninja like that."

She laughed. "That's just Kakashi!" She was still a little mad at him, but she didn't really need to say what left her mouth next. "He came around a lot when I was a kid, but we aren't so close anymore."

The older teen relaxed and said. "I see, so do you want to blow this place?"

"After this song?"

He grinned. "Sounds good."

Twenty minutes later, on the path between her home and the road to Waku's house. The boy stopped her under the moonlight and wrapped his arm low around her hips. Leaning in close, he whispered; "Want to come back to my place to do a little dancing in my bed?" His fingers pinching her but.

Ayame slapped him. Jogging away, she didn't know if she should cry for being so stupid or be even angrier with Kakashi for knowing what a sleeze Waku was and not trying harder to convince her to leave him there at the restaurant.


	9. Chapter 9: Kakashi

_What's a fuck when what I want is love?  
-_Henry Miller

~xXx~

Kakashi knew he could have made it up to her the next day (if not that night, then again, she'd likely have been crept out by him hanging around her home. Waiting for her). But...he actually was sort of hurt. He knew what kind of guy Waku was. A real womanizer. Kurenai and Anko liked dragging him out to places where there was karaoke and dancing ("You need to get laid, Kakashi!") and he saw the younger man around those places a lot. And always with a different girl on his arm.

So, after watching her leave, Waku's arm around her shoulder and her's around his waist; Kakashi made a point of finding the most attractive woman he could in the restaurant slash dance club and talked her up. Of course, the pretty black-haired woman with the blue eyes was flattered and all the men were sending glares at Kakashi for winning her attention...but he didn't mind. It was a dance and a couple drinks later, but he convinced her (or rather she invited him back to her place) to hook up with him for the night.

As he left, Anko gave him a thumbs up before bumping into a guy who was dancing next to her on the floor. The ninja watched her laugh and embrace the stranger, the guys grinned and accepted the arms around his neck. The woman he was with tugged on his hand.

"C'mon," she said. "I live this way;" and her black-lined eyes are a lot less attractive under the streets's lights. But he'd made up his mind. He was going to fuck her. Whether he wanted to anymore or not.

He wakes up the next morning beside her underneath purple and pink sheets. In the early dawn light, he put his pants and shirt back on and tried not to think about how every time she cried his name he pretended she was someone else.

* * *

A couple missions come and go before he turned up at Ichiraku's again. It's his birthday and Gai was insistent that they celebrate by going out for lunch (along with Genma, and Kurenai). Everyone's so loud beside him as they sit down and the ninja thought longingly of the days when all he had was his teacher, they never did anything like this. Minato much preferred letting Kakashi pick the activity, even if it meant training like usual, and then spending the afternoon just watching the sky before the blond handed him a carefully chosen gift with a smile as he'd say "Happy birthday 'kashi."

Things changed with Rin and Obito's addition to their team and then they all fell apart that one, godawful, birthday...but the ninja tried not to think too hard on that one.

"What can I get you?" A woman's voice asked.

Kakashi looked up and saw it was Ayame. "The usual," he muttered after everyone else had told her what they wanted.

Her eyes soften. "Miso soup with eggplant coming right up," she whispered.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Come by often Kakashi?" Kurenai smiled.

Ayame answered for him. "He's our second favorite customer!"

The teenager blinked. "Second?"

A cheeky smile on her face, she remarked. "Sorry, but you're no where near as cute as little Naruto."

Leaning in on his chin, Kakashi inquired. "He come by often?"

"Once a week or so. Sometimes every two."

His fellow ninja look a little uneasy, but jonin isn't done yet. "He got the goggles right?"

"Dad gave them to him, yes."

Relaxing Kakashi nodded. "Good."

"I'll have all your things out to you soon!" Ayame declared scurrying off to the kitchen.

"...Are you two a couple?" Kurenai asked.

The jonin shook his head. "She's a kid."

"Sure," Genma snorted. "She can't be  _that_ much younger."

"Try fifteen."

Laughing, the teenager with straw-colored hair leaned back. "I never thought you'd be the cradle-robber! We always thought it'd be Gai!"

Blushing under his mask, Kakashi grumbled. "Shut up."

"Do you mean to say I'd attempt to take advantage of someone's youth?!" And Gai sounded really worked up, the jonin could see that if Genma didn't back out of this carefully, the other would be demanding some sort of sparring soon.

When Ayame brought their food back, the ninja had to avert his eyes when his hand brushed hers as he took his lunch. The other teenager looked confused briefly, but when she saw his friends snickering; she just shook her head and stepped back.

When they're done, the dark-eyed girl said; "Happy Birthday 'kashi!"

Kakashi crinkled his lone eye, "Thanks," he replied. Maybe this birthday could number among the good ones of his childhood.


	10. Chapter 10: Ayame

_Today's Valentine's Day. There's a whole day devoted solely to love. Does that make any sense? Nah. Love makes us all crazy. But it's fun too.  
_ -Lisa Greenwald,Sweet Treats & Secret Crushes

~xXx~

In her friend's bedroom, Ayame sat propped against a bed scattered with magazines as sun beamed in from a small balcony keeping the room warm for them as they plan out their summer wardrobes.

"I like that dress..." Cho muttered from where she was sprawled out on her bedspread. The brunette grunted. She flipped a page in one of Cho's magazines as she looked for an idea as to what kind of new sandals she wanted, Ayame caught something move from the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she jumped back. Inches from her was her friend's grinning face. Putting a hand to her heart, the brunette scowled.

"What are you trying to do? Give me white hairs?"

The other girl laughed, her round face gleeful. "Do you realize what Wednesday is?!"

"Half-price cabbage day at Taka's Vegetable stand?"

Shaking her head, Cho rolled off the bed in great dramatization and when her knees connected with the floor, the girl latched onto Ayame's hand. " _No,_ " she pouted. "It's  _Valentines Day_!"

Amused, the teenager brushed her hair behind her ear and said; "Okay, what about it?"

The black haired girl threw her arms up in a silent cry. "Ayame!" She complained, "People our age are supposed to have  _dates_ and  _boyfriends_ lined up for a day like Valentines!"

Putting aside the magazine, the other twirled her hair. "Cho..."

"No, Ayame, I have absolutely  _no one_ to go out with!"

Sighing, the brunette smiled. "Well, you have a two days to goad a boy into asking you out to a restaurant or karaoke." Slyly, she put a finger to her cheek and suggested. "Iori or Chion would be happy to take you out-actually, you could bring  _both_ of them along and watch them compete for your attention."

"You're a mastermind Ayame, truly!" Her black haired friend giggled. "What about you? What are you going to do? I heard Waku's been asking around for you lately."

The teenager's heart constricted. She's  _never_ going to go out with him again. Not after what he did. "Oh dad'll probably want me to work..."

Her friend shook her head. "Oh that's no fun!" She complained. "Look, if I can get Iori or Chion to agree to go out with me...do you want to make it a double-date? I think that'd be fun for everyone. The pressure to make it romantic would be off too."

"Yeah," Ayame agreed. It was a good offer. Spending a night out with Cho, Iori and Chion would be good. "Yeah, you ask them and we can get ready at my house the evening of, okay?"

"Deal!" The black haired girl agreed, a smile splitting across her face.

* * *

Humming to herself as she brings out dishes, Ayame can hear her father yelling at his new cooks and she chuckled. "Here you are!" She told the shinobi talking together, they thank her and begin to eat. Turning, she pulled out her notepad and-

"Kakashi!" She exclaimed.

His lone eye crinkled. "Yo," he greeted.

"How are you? It's been a while!" The brunette smiled.

He nodded. "I actually failed my first genin team this week," he offered conversationally.

"We're they that bad?" Ayame inquired.

"Close enough," he shrugged. "Besides, I don't want a team yet."

The girl paused. "But why did you get one at all then?" She questioned.

Kakashi sighed. "Our dear Hokage thinks it would do me some 'good'." Fingers making air quotes on the word 'good'.

"I see," Ayame laughed. "The usual?"

"Yeah," He agreed.

Scribbling down the order for the cooks, she waved at him as she darted back to the kitchen. "We should totally hang out tomorrow if you don't have anything going on!"

Ayame didn't hear a reply, but she saw him nod and felt quite happy with herself. It was always hard to make time to hang out with Kakashi, and if he got a genin team soon...it'd be even more difficult. The girl frowned. She realized she didn't like that at all. The idea of sharing her ninja friend with even  _more_ people seemed awfully unfair.

Still brooding as she brought out his bowl, the jonin took note of the furrow in her brow. "What's got you so upset?" He implored.

"Huh?" she blinked. "Oh nothing! I'm just thinking too hard on what I want to wear tonight!" She chuckled. "I'm going on a double date with my friend Cho for Valentines day."

The ninja paused in taking off his mask. "Valentines...that's today, huh?"

"Yup," the brunette agreed leaning on the counter. "I'm actually kind of excited! Cho told me Iori and Chion we're thinking we'd hang out on their apartment's roof and set off some fireworks."

"...I don't think that's legal."

She winked. "You won't tell on us, will you 'kashi?"

He smirked. Mask down. "No, who am I to stop a girl's fun?"

She giggled.

A minute later he was done with his meal and putting money on the table. "Oh no," she disagreed. "You don't have to pay!" It only seemed fair after he agreed not to tattle on her for night's plans. Taking away the bowl, she smiled. "Have a happy Valentine's day Kakashi!"

Ayame never noticed the stillness of her friend or the calculated look that came to his eye.


	11. Chapter 11: Kakashi

_I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation._

_It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun._

-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

~xXx~

Staring at the shelves of the little shop, Kakashi began to drum his fingers against his thigh. Sure, a bowl of ramen didn't  _cost_ much, but it still only seemed right that he keep to the rules of White Day* and then some. She was a good friend after all. Eyeing a little soap and scrub set, he picked up the sea themed package only to put it back down as he caught a whiff of it. It was too strong. Sighing, he walked away to another part of the shop and noticed some scarves. Taking a look through the soft fabric, he ended up shaking his head and backing away because he didn't like the patterns. _  
_

Next, he found himself in a section dedicated to jewelry and as he flicked through the racks, he wondered if Ayame even had pierced ears or if bangles were conductive due to the work she did. Shaking his head, the jonin planned to just leave and go with something tried and true like a pot of flowers. But as he was to leave the effeminate boutique, someone familiar walked in.

"Kakashi?"

He tensed, only to slump in defeat. "Kurenai," he murmured.

A funny quirk to her lips, she considered him. "What are you doing here?"

Gazing longingly out the shops wide windows, the teenager knew escape was futile. "I need to get a girl a gift," he answered. "For White Day."

"Oh I  _see_ ," she giggled. "Someone's sweet on you."

"More like they gave me a free bowl of ramen," The jonin muttered beneath his breath.

Kurenai smirked and reached out to him. "Alright, I'll help;" she declared. "What's she like?"

"Kind, classic, genuine," Kakashi rattled off for her. They were the best words to describe someone like Ayame as far as he was concerned. However, his fellow jonin looked nonplus and put a hand on her hips. "I  _meant_ appearance wise."

He blinked. "Oh," shifting his lone stare away he answered. "She's slight, light of skin and dark of eye and hair."

"How dark? Like black dark or brown dark?" She demanded as she started to pull him back into the isles.

"Brown."

The teenager smiled and patted his arm. "Don't worry, I can help you pick out a great hair clip."

"Hair clip?"

She rolled her eyes. "You'll see," she smiled. "She'll love it."

* * *

Busily handing out orders, Ayame barely noticed Kakashi slip into his habitual spot. "Oh hi," she greeted as she gratefully took a tip from a strong-jawed boy. He winked at her and she crossed her eyes in response (he laughed and she grinned back-he didn't know how to feel about that).

"Hey," he offered in return.

Handing a woman and child a menu she said to the jonin, "We're kind of having a late rush today, if you want to come back in an hour; we could talk."

"No, no it's okay," Kakashi disagreed. "Do you guys need help?"

It was obvious Ayame wanted his help, but she still hesitated. "You mean that? You're willing to help hand out ramen and take orders?"

Hopping over the counter with a deft move, the teenager's eye crinkled with a smile. "Of course I do," he answered.

"Thank you!" She cried, dark eyes grateful.

Nodding, Kakashi picked up a couple bowls and went to work; calling over his shoulder, "It's no problem." From there, amicable silence fell between them, only being interrupted with work talk and expressive glances. It took around an hour and half before people kept filling up seats and another hour before the last of the customers drifted off leaving Kakashi and Ayame stressed in their wake. Plopping down on a chair in the back room, Ayame pushed back her fringe.

"Wow! That took way longer than expected!"

The jonin grunted in agreement. Looking to the teenager, he noticed that her eyes were half-lidded and she was fanning herself with her hand; now was as good a time as any. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a slim, white wrapped package and handed it to her.

"Here," he told her.

Taking it, the brunette curiously ran her fingers along the edge before wedging her finger into one of the folds-tearing it open. "Oh, thank you!" She yelled suddenly, awing over the set of painted hair clips. "This one has koi fish! Oh! Oh! And here are some cats...those are-Sushi? Huh, I didn't know it could be so adorable..." Looking up, she smiled. "Thank you 'kashi, you didn't have to!"

He cleared his throat, "It was only right." He answered.

"What do you mean?" She inquired confused.

Raising his eyebrow, the jonin frowned. "You gave me free ramen on Valentines, I assumed it was supposed to be a gift..."

"That! Oh that! It wasn't really meant for that reason I think..." and Kakashi felt stupid. Of course she hadn't meant it like that. Why would she? Suddenly, Ayame was beside him. Yanking his mask down, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "But thank you, though. It's really sweet!" Winking at him, she remarked; "Next year I'll make sure to give you a  _real_ Valentines gift!"

"...You're welcome," The teenager finally said to the younger.

The brunette smiled and sighed. "It never ceases to amaze me that you're still single!"

Swallowing, Kakashi croaked; "Yeah..." All the while thinking  _It's not so strange when I compare every girl I meet to you..._ It's a troubling revelation and Kakashi isn't sure what it means for him, Ayame and their friendship. Can they even have one if he thinks he might like her more than as a friend? Or maybe he really doesn't like her that way and just feels so strongly because they have known each other so long. Probably the later, he bet.

 


	12. Chapter 12: Ayame

_Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option._

-Mark Twain

~xXx~

"It's my birthday Ayame!" Cho whined. "Take me out to dinner won't you? Please?"

Helpless against her friend's watering eyes, the girl smiled and sighed. "Alright, alright..." The dewy look disappearing as her face flushed with pleasure, the teenager reluctantly asked "Where do you want to go?"

Grinning widely, eyes glinting with pure excitement; Ayame's friend burst " _Junji's Fine Dining for sushi!_ "

"Where else?" The brunette chuckled, rolling her eyes at the other's antics. Well, at least she didn't want to eat at Purinsu's _._ Otherwise, they'd be splitting a dessert if they were lucky. That place cost more than a month's work of pocket money...

* * *

Being lead to a table by a tall fellow dressed in a red vest, Ayame didn't think she would have noticed in the dim lighting if it weren't for the quiet shriek that came from the table. Looking over, she saw Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma and...a Hyuga (what other ninja clan had such pretty eyes?). Having noticed how she paused, Cho looked back.

"Hey!" She hissed, "What are-" she blinked, hot pink lips a perfect 'o'. "Ogling that  _friend_ of your's, huh?"

The brunette blushed heavily. "Shut up!" She grumbled. " _My friend_ is on a double-date, if you haven't noticed..." and it hurt. A lot more than it should have. She  _knew_ he wasn't interested in her like that, but after white day...well, she didn't really know what she was expecting. She had just felt that maybe things were  _different_ now. Obviously not.

Hurrying to catch up with their waiter, they took a spot that gave them a decent view of Kakashi's date. Sitting there, they took the menu's and listened with half-ear as the waiter rattled off the specials before leaving them "to think things over". Picking at random a dish she thought she'd like, Ayame watched the double-date with interest.

Kurenai and Asuma were getting on well, chattering and giggling; Kakashi and the Hyuga on the other hand...she kept ducking her head and Kakashi kept averting his stare to the table. Like they didn't really know each other. Maybe that meant it was a blind date? Not a girl Kakashi had been seeing between missions?

"She's pretty, don't you think?" Cho inquired, "Look at her hair! Those bangs are really cute..."

"I bet she's a branch house," Ayame remarked. "Those bangs are nearly in her eyes!"

"...Branch?"

Ayame shrugged and smiled at Cho. Kakashi had made a point of teaching her a bit here and there about the clans of the Village in between teaching her how to use different weapons. "Yeah, the Hyuga's, they have a main family and a branch family. The branch get these seals put on their foreheads and well, they like to keep them covered."

The other teenager nodded rapidly. "I see," she said, "The clans have some really weird ideas, don't they?"

"Yeah, I guess;" the brunette agreed. Looking sadly at the duo as they smiled at one another, exchanging some sort of friendly remark. (She wished it were her sitting across from him).

A finger jabbed her elbow. "Hey now," the round faced girl protested. "Don't get all mopey on me! This is my  _birthday_! We are celebrating!"

Chuckling, Ayame agreed. "I know," she sighed. "I'm being rude..."

"No," Cho hesitated. "You're just a little heartbroken."

"A  _little_?"

The girl reconsidered. "Okay," she corrected, flipping back her hair. "More like a lot, but still.  _My birthday_!"

"I'll save it for after we eat, fair?" Ayame smirked, fighting back a wobbling lip. Her friend did have a point. She was ruining everything by focusing on Kakashi and his double-date. There were plenty of boys out there, like Iori and Chion, she could count Waku-if he ever got around to apologizing-too. Forcing her attention back on her friend's done-up face, she inquired; "What are you getting?"

"I'm happy you asked, you see, I can't decide between..."

Losing herself in the simple choice, the brunette found the resolve not to stare at her friend across the room anymore.

* * *

Checking her hair, she notice her lips looked a little dull and so Ayame re-applied a layer of lip gloss. Making a funny face, she smirked and left the bathroom-having a mini heart-attack when she saw Kakashi waiting for her against the wall.

"Don't  _do_ that!" She cried.

He chuckled, still wearing that mask of his. "Sorry," he said. "I saw you com in earlier and I..."

"Thought you'd say hi?"

He bobbed his head. "Yeah."

"How's it going? The Hyuga girl seems cute..."

"Li? Oh she's alright," Kakashi replied. "Neither of we're really planning on a date tonight, but...Kurenai sort of insisted.

Heart beat picking up, Ayame leaned in closer. "You mean you two aren't going out?"

"No, I don't think we ever will."

The teenager couldn't stop the smile. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "But I'm happy, as mean as that is."

"Don't be," Kakashi replied, his eye crinkling. "Li isn't really ready for a relationship either, she just broke one off with a longtime boyfriend."

 _Not ready for a relationship_.

Her heart plummeted again. "So...so you aren't looking for a girl?"

The tall man stood up. "Unfortunately, mission's take up all my time and I don't know that I could work a successful relationship between them."

"Oh," Ayame whispered. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that she'd be able to work with him. That she could make it work  _for_ him...but he was already facing away from her.

"See you later Ayame!" He called over his shoulder.

Standing there, she waved awkwardly and whispered; "Bye." All alone, she felt stupid. Kakashi wasn't interested in her. She was just a  _kid_ as far as he was concerned and like he said, he was too busy being a shinobi to have a relationship. It was better not to tell him how she felt, he'd only reject her. Wiping at unwanted tears, the brunette knew she had to leave. Cho would be upset later, but if she explained...well, her friend would forgive her soon enough.

Finding a back escape, Ayame took off her heals and began to run down the streets of Konoha. She needed to get away. Get some air in her lungs and her head out of the clouds. She wasn't twelve anymore, she couldn't be dreaming about Kakashi and her anymore...she needed to be thinking practical. Like one of the cooks that came through her father's restaurant. Someone like her. A plain, regular civilian. Not a legendary ninja like Kakashi.

Yes...Ayame wasn't a little girl anymore. She knew what was obtainable and what wasn't.


	13. Chapter 13: Kakashi

_The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants._

-Johnny Depp

~xXx~

"I just don't get it Pakkun," Kakashi sighed. "She doesn't smile at me like she used to and whenever I offer to teach her how to use a new weapon like trip-wire or  _hair pins_ she just says 'I don't think I need to know that stuff', but she used to really enjoy it, you know? Learning how to use weapons and show off her skill for me when I asked how she was doing with so and so weapon." Kicking his feet aimlessly, the young man ducked his head and whispered; "She doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. If I stop Ichiraku's it's always 'sorry I can't talk now, I have to clean the stove, sweep the floor, wash the chopsticks...'"

The pug beside him was quiet for a long time and Kakashi continued pet the fierce looking Urushi as he dozed across his lap. Finally, the summon said; "Maybe we should join Bull and the other's on the ground."

"I like it up here," Kakashi frowned. "Besides, Urushi's sleeping."

The mentioned dog cracked an eye open. "I wouldn't mind getting up boss," he yawned.

Rolling his eye, he gave the fierce summon a nudge and the dog took the hint. Jumping down from the large tree to the pile at its base. A few yips and growls sounded as Kakashi and Pakkun went down after the other. Once on the ground, the jonin demanded. "So Pakkun?"

Walking in tight little circles, the small dog grunted; "Come 'ere." Anxious and confused, the young man took the pug up on his offer and sat down beside him. The others quickly crowded around. Giving Kakashi that sense of warmth that his life had felt devoid of for several weeks. Bringing one of them, Shiba, into his lap, the jonin was silent.

"I think you miss her."

The young man eyed his summon. "I already  _knew_ that," he muttered.

"No, no," the pug said. "Hear me out," Pakkun went on. "You don't miss her like  _that_ , you miss what the two of you were starting to have between the two of you."

"And what were we 'starting to have'?"

The pug smirked. "Love."

Kakashi frowned behind his mask. "I've known I loved her for years," the jonin grumbled. "She's one of my best friends..."

"You poor, oblivious boy" the summon bewailed. Covering a bit of his face with a tiny paw, "You don't  _just_ love her like that anymore..."

"How do I love her oh wise love Guru Pakkun?"

He got a nasty glare from his dog and Kakashi blinked. "I'm a dog, we just know these sorts of things;" he muttered. "Dogs  _love_ because it's what we're made to do. Funnily enough, just loving like we do lets us recognize the different kinds of love between all species. And you, boss, are in  _love_ with the ramen girl."

The jonin shook his head. "I can't be...she's just a  _kid_."

"That might have been so a couple years ago, but take a real look 'kashi. She's a big girl now."

Soothing himself by running his hand over Shiba's coat; Kakashi looked away. "...do you know if she loves me back?"

A little paw came to be on his knee. "I don't know boss," Pakkun admitted. "I haven't seen the way she looks at you...I just figure with the way you talk about her, it  _has_ to be mutual even if neither of you realize it."

"I'll take you to her."

The summon gave him wide eyes. "What now?"

"I'll take you to her, Ayame likes dogs and cats and well, strays in general." Kakashi muttered. "Get up guys, we're going to stop by Ichiraku's."

Nipping at their boss's heals, Guruko turned out to be the one who cried out reason. "Aren't you rushing into this a little fast boss!?"

"No," the jonin replied.

Looking between each other, the dogs wondered how they could have gone on so long without ever noticing how strong Kakashi's feelings were for the ramen girl.

* * *

"Hey Ayame," Kakashi greeted; slipping into a spot.

The brunette blinked and looked behind him to the crowd of dogs. "...Hi Kakashi. Do you realize you have a bunch of dogs dressed like ninja behind you?"

He crinkled his eye. "They're my summons," he told the teenager. "I was training with them and realized you probably haven't ever met them."

"I haven't," she agreed. "...Do they like Miso soup too?"

"If you just want to put together a plate of meat, that'd be great."

She smiled. "Sure," she agreed. "I'll be just a minute.." and walked back to the kitchen leaving Kakashi and his ninken alone (having chased away the last customer with his entrance."

"So?" The young man prompted his dogs.

Pakkun grunted. "I just met her," he replied. "But yeah boss, she's definitely fond of you if not upset with you. She was pretty tense."

"Why is she upset?" Kakashi asked.

His question earned him a stink eye. "Shouldn't you know? Since you're the one who made her upset."

"Sorry," the jonin muttered. Only to perk up with the brunette's entrance.

"Here you go Kakashi!" She exclaimed handing off a large platter. "That'll be enough, don't you think?"

"Yeah," he agreed. "How much will that be?"

"It's the scraps, so not you entire paycheck;" she joked.

He laughed quietly. Abruptly, he reached out and snagged her hand. "You know," he murmured; "I'm sorry about whatever I did to make you upset with me. I really care about you Ayame, I don't like having you unhappy with me."

There was a light dusting of pink on the teenager's face as she took her hand back. "It's okay 'kashi..." giving him a brave, wobbly smile she commented "It was my problem really, besides, I don't know how much longer I could have gone on being distant from you. I missed hanging out with you."

Curving his lone eye in his most sincere smile (to match the one beneath his mask) he implored; "How would you like to hang out with me and my ninken after they finish with their lunch?"

"I'd like that."

And Kakashi was relieved. He would show her just how much she meant to him and soon...soon he might be able to call her more than a friend.


	14. Chapter 14: Ayame

_It's hard being left behind..._

_It's hard to be the one who stays._

-Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

~xXx~

" _I have something I want to ask you," Kakashi muttered as they walked back to her father's eatery from the training fields._

_Pushing back the brim of her summer hat, she grinned. "Yeah? What?"_

_The ninja averted his eyes. "It's-you might think I'm insane..."_

_"Spit it out! You're going to kill me with the suspense!" The brunette laughed as she took his hand to stop him on the path._

_Lifting his single gray eye to meet her pair, she felt her breath catch. "Ayame..." he squeezed her still connected hand. "Ayame, I want to be your boyfriend."_

_Mouth falling open, she felt tears spill out of her eyes. Confused and worried, the older reached out and brushed his finger beneath her eyes. "I'm sorry, please don't cry...you don't have to-"_

_"Yes!"_

_He blinked. "What?"_

_She hurled herself at him, arms wrapping around him and her hat falling away as she kissed him through his mask. "Yes! Yes! Yes..."_

_His hands went to her hips-_

"Ayame!"

The young woman came back to life. Standing up straight, she took stock of the man's face. "Yes?"

"Are you with us now?" She blinked at her father's latest hire, a square faced man named Uk.

She smiled abash. "Yes, sorry."

"I was wondering...could you cover my shift for tonight? I have a date and I  _really_ don't want to re-schedule."

Her heart twisted. "Yeah, yeah I can do that..."

His face lit up and for a moment, she thought he was attractive. "Oh thank you!" He cried. "I could kiss you!"

"I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate that," she giggled.

He flushed. "We're getting married next spring, actually."

"Wow! Congrats!" She exclaimed.

He covered his mouth and chuckled oddly. "Thanks, we're actually getting really excited-she's already thinking about kid names..."

"How long have you been going together?" She inquired.

He looked away and then back at her. "A year and seven months-almost eight."

"I'm happy for you Uk!" She said. "Now go on! Shoo! You don't want to disappoint her!"

He grinned, grabbing his jacket. "Thanks Ayame! You're a real life-saver!"

"I know!" She yelled after, watching his go wistfully. Eyes going to the trio of men deciding on their dinner, she thought of Kakashi once again. She wished he was here. He wasn't though. He'd gone off on  _another_ mission the week before and probably wouldn't be back at all until the end of the month...half-frustrated, half-sad, she put on a large smile and went to the trio.

"Can I get your orders?"

There stares move to her and she can tell they're appreciating her, considering her (she's not  _ugly_ and a number would even say she was pretty). Putting on a cocky smile, the blond with a scar running down his cheek leaned in and started the order

"Yes, I'd liked a..."

* * *

"Go on home Ayame, I got it." Her dad said.

Putting the broom aside, the young woman smiled. "Thanks dad," she sighed. Taking off her apron, she scurried for the door and stepped out into the evening's cool air. Taking a breath, she glanced around to the surrounding rooftops. Masks glinted in the moonlight. They quickly realized she was staring and hopped away, but it was too late for both of them. They had been spotted and she was remembering.

Kakashi told her once he'd been apart of the ANBU. He'd been his saddest looking then, always tired and slow; like he didn't have much energy for living. After leaving...he'd perked up. He'd been funny, kind, exciting and visited her more (if farther in between). What Ayame  _really_ wanted was him to come home once and for all. To say he was done being and ninja and be with  _her._ They could work at Ichiraku's, share a bed, have babies...but that wasn't what he'd agree to. He was a man of action. A ninja born and bred. Even if she managed to wrangle him into marriage, he would still leave. She would still have to stay behind and pretend everything was alright without him.

What worried her most about the prospect wasn't so much him leaving (she was used to that, really,) but what their children would be like. Undoubtedly, they'd idolize the father that left them and want to be  _just. like. him._ They would be in constant danger and she feared they wouldn't have the luck, brains and strength to come home every single time like Kakashi has. Could she risk the chance of loosing a child if it meant being with the ninja?

Part of her thought yes. Another said no. She didn't know which was right. Maybe they both were. Or maybe they both weren't. A cool breeze whipping through her, she wished she'd remembered to take her jacket. It wasn't summer anymore, fall had settled in and coats and sweaters were a necessity in the nights. Looking back, she debated running for the shop when a noise caught her ears; jumping, she saw someone stood in front of her.

"Kakashi!" She laughed.

The tall man's eye crinkled. "A friend of mine told me he saw you."

"An ANBU?" Ayame implored.

He shrugged. " _My_ friends don't get spotted by a civvie."

"I'm not a regular civilian," she reminded him. "You made sure of that!" She smirked at him and he laughed. "...What are you doing back so early? I thought you'd have at least another week..."

He tensed a little. "Things...didn't go quite as planned. We had to speed it up, ergo, why I'm here now."

"Oh," she murmured. Ayame later wouldn't quite know what compelled her, but she did think it had something to do with her daydreaming, Uk and the ANBU she saw. Leaning in, she kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm happy you came back early."

His fingers rested where she'd kissed him, eye wide. "...Aya-"

"C'mon, it's a perfect night for a midnight stroll!" And smiling, she took the jonin by the hand and lead him off in the night's white light.


	15. Chapter 15: Kakashi

_Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you._

-John Gay

~xXx~

"Wait," Genma said; "Say that again?"

Ducking his head, Kakashi felt like they could see his blush through the mask he wore. "...she kissed me."

The other ninja burst with laughter. "And you're  _worried_ about this?"

"A kiss from a fine lady is a wonderful thing! It means you should cherish he-" Kakashi shoved a hand over Gai's mouth and glowered at the straw-haired man on his other side.

"Not now Gai, you can wax poetry later." Retracting his hand, he scowled and said; "Why  _shouldn't_ I worry? It's not like I knew she liked me that way...besides, she's a  _kid_."

"She's, what, seventeen? Kakashi, those genins you're always failing are  _kids_ she's a  _woman_."

He told him this with much condescension and a hint of disgust, but Kakashi can't help but recall the girl he found crying on the street. That had been  _Ayame_  and she'd looked at him like he'd hung the moon (plus the stars and Venus) at that age. How could she truly love him like that when she once thought of him with worshipful feelings? "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot," he grumbled at Genma. "I've known her since-she was a  _kid_ when I met her. She'd give me puppy-dog eyes-"

"You'd know something about those, wouldn't you?"

Irked, he snapped; "Shut up."

"You are making love more complicated than it needs to be my rival!" Gai declared patting his shoulder. "She loves you, there is no reason to it."

"I wish there  _was_ ," The jonin muttered.

Genma took a swig of his drink. "Don't we all," he sighed.

"Now Kakashi, the question becomes do you love her back?" Gai prompted after a moment of companionable silence.

The jonin thought about it for several minutes. He liked how she laughed. He liked how she looked in skirts; how she remembered each and every time he came back from missions to have a bowl of Miso soup (with eggplants) on ready for him. Kakashi enjoyed the fact that she absorbed everything he taught her and he was happy she liked his ninken as much as he did. But he didn't know if that was the same as love (the closest he'd ever been was Rin and that-that hadn't gone well).

"I don't know," he finally admitted, helpless.

The other ninja whistled low and Gai turned his head. A serious look to his dark eyes. "Do not string her along Kakashi," he ordered.

"I wouldn't do that."

Sympathy dilutes the hardness of the dark-haired jonin's gaze. "Of course you wouldn't Kakashi, you're an admirable man..."

"But you still think I'll hurt her."

"Kakashi-"

He got up, slamming some money down. "No, no," he waved off. "Don't worry. I need to be getting home."

"To what?!" Genma called after him as he was half-way to the door.

Not even glancing back, the gray-haired man shouted "My plant! Mr. Ukki!"

The straw-haired man laughed as Gai called his name once more. Kakashi began to run once outside. He didn't want Gai coming after him (or Genma). Taking the path back to his place, he really thought about it. Was he ready to call Ayame his girlfriend? A couple years ago he was barely able to keep himself functioning on a daily level...how could he possibly keep a relationship going? The jonin simply didn't know and was afraid to think about it.

Somewhere along the way, he realized, yes, he  _did_ love her...but he didn't know if he could do a serious sort of relationship yet. He was just figuring out how to take care of himself. How happy would Ayame be with a boyfriend like him? One that forgot to eat, wouldn't sleep in fear of nightmares, had nightmares that he'd wake up with weapons in hand and screams dying on his lips, one that disappeared for days and then weeks on end because of his job and would miss milestones couples celebrated. He was even less likely to make husband material...

Kakashi didn't think he could do that to Ayame. No matter how much she might want him and love him. He wasn't any good for her and she'd have better luck with one of the cooks her father was constantly hiring and firing. It hurt to think just as they could be something more (something exciting, something  _rewarding),_ that it wasn't going to work out. Stopping in front of his apartment, key between his fingers, he wondered if he should go to her. She was likely sleeping by now...but could he really wait until tomorrow to break it to her? He might lose resolve by then and they'd both end up in a relationship neither wanted to leave because they  _did_ love one another, but didn't work because of all the issues he brought to the table.

God, he didn't even want to think about the possibility of kids being added to that equation. With all his hang-ups, they'd be lucky if they only ended up half as crazy as he was. Head thumping against his door, Kakashi whispered to himself;

"Tomorrow. You have to tell her tomorrow." No later or it wouldn't happen and they'd both end up unhappy.

He really wanted Ayame to be happy-even if he wasn't a part of that equation in the end.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Ayame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions on this fic! I appreciate them all so much!

_We love things we love for what they are_

_-_ Robert Frost

~xXx~

Ayame woke up. Blinking at the alarm clock across her room, she noticed it wasn't even four in the morning; frowning, she wondered what had pulled her out of sleep. The teenager was given an answer a moment later when she heard a tiny thunk at her window. Getting up, the brunette slipped on her slippers and smoothed her bedhead down as she headed for the little balcony her bedroom connected to. Pushing back the curtain, she squinted and saw a familiar figure.

Heart hammering in her chest, she hurried to open the sliding door and stepped out.

"What are you doing here!?" She called in a hushed yell. "It's not even daylight!"

Sticking his hands in his pockets, the ninja gaze up with his lone eye. "Can I come up?" He asked.

Rolling her eyes in frustration, Ayame made a pointing gesture to the spot beside her. A blink later, he's next to her; momentarily awe and jealousy grip her in equal parts. "Maybe you should teach me how to do flips like that sometime," she suggested.

"Sure," he replied half-listening as his lone eye darted at all the things around them besides the brunette. Just a bit annoyed and feeling quite bold, she reached up and put her hand on his face.

Catching his stare, she asked; "What's up 'kashi?"

He covered her hand with his and something about it felt awfully desperate. Just a bit frightened, she attempted to pull back. He wouldn't let her. "Have you ever wondered why I have only one eye?"

Ayame had in fact, but had always been too scared to voice any question and too respectful of her friend's privacy to breach such a topic without him starting it. So, with great care she answered "A little, I've heard a rumor or two from time to time, but..."

He took his hand away and pushed up his forehead protector. The brunette gasped. That eye, it was an  _Uchiha's;_ Kakashi, he wasn't one though, was he? The ninja was quite for a couple minutes, but then he leaned down and kissed her through his mask.

"I want to be more than friends with you, Ayame," he explained; "But I can't do that to you in good conscious without you knowing the whole story."

Just a little excited and maybe falling more in love with this broken man than she should, the teenager took his hand and nodded at him. "Tell me everything," Ayame told him. "I love you and I don't think it will change my opinion of you, but if you need to, please do."

Kakashi sighed. "You met me after the attack, you know? I never once saw you before."

"I know."

"I was a different person before the war."

"Everyone was," the brunette countered.

Kakashi shook his head at her. "I was a real jerk before the war," he whispered. "All I cared about was completing missions and being the best of the best-I didn't think I needed anyone at all. Not even my sensei," he shifted and clenched his hands into fists. "I was so  _arrogant_ and you know who paid because of that? Not me."

Fear in her gut, Ayame murmured; "Who paid Kakashi?"

He threw his head back to stare at the dimming moon. "My teammate," he replied. "His name was Obito and he...he had dreams Ayame. I didn't have those-sometimes I still think I don't have any. I got him killed by putting the mission ahead of my teammates and by thinking I was invincible." He looked at her then, his sharingan leaking tears. "I was an absolute  _ass_ to him the entire time we were teammates just because I thought he was weak, Ayame. But do you know what he did in the end? He, the kid I looked down upon from the beginning, was the bigger man and gave me his Sharingan to replace the eye I lost on the mission."

"Do you regret it all?"

"Every bit of it."

Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around the stunned man. "Then you  _are_ good 'kashi."

"How can you say that?" He whispered. "How can you look at me and not hate me for the life I ended?"

Pulling her head away, she gazed up at him. "He was a different boy," she mumbled. "You though," she pressed a kiss to his chin. "You are the man I  _love_."

"Thank you," he mumbled into her hair. Hugging her like she'd just given him the world. "Thank you for not hating me."

Tugging down his mask, she kissed his lips. "I couldn't if I tried," she imparted. "I've loved you too many ways for hate to find foothold."

A smile cross his unmasked face, Ayame thought of all the mornings to come. All the mornings where they'd be like this and all the mornings where he'd be gone. Grinning back at the ninja, she knew these intimate moments together would make up for all the ache he caused with his absences. Sun rising up on them, she never once looked away from him.

(And he never looked away from her).

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know if you like it by giving kudos or commenting!


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